Before I drop some Word, I have a couple updates… Thanks a ton to 8-Bit and the folks at ChurchCreate.com for featuring my Word designs on their blog recently. 8-Bit has a slew of great sites for Church creatives and techies. Also, I've had many requests about making prints available for my Word designs which is awesome. When I started in Genesis, I never would have thought that anyone outside of a couple people would be very interested in this project. While I don't have any prints available yet, I'm planning to get some done. If enough people get 'em, I'll do more. Since I'm not sure how many people will actually want one, I'm gonna start slow, just doing short runs of 1-2 designs. Here is where I need your help. Hit me up in the comments below or on Twitter and tell me what designs you want. I'll go with the the one or two that most people want. And now you may want to take cover, 'cause the Word is about to drop...
Dear God. Thanks for Nothing. Love, Hosea.
We've already talked about how the old school prophets like Elijah and Elisha were God-anointed, fire-throwing, commanding-bear-attacks men of God. Well, Hosea must've felt like he got caught in a bait and switch, 'cause not only did he not get any sweet kill-the-heathens superpowers, but at God's command, he marries a prostitute. They have kids, she leaves him, returning to her life of prostitution and he has to chase her all over the place to get her back. And he doesn't get to kill anyheathens!
A Major in Suckiness, with a Minor in Prophet
As a kid, I'm sure Hosea heard all about the rock star prophets of the day. Daniel and all his dream interpreting, the Lion's Den, the three dudes who hung out with an angel in a fiery furnace, etc. Hosea is probably thinking, "Someday I'm gonna grow up to be a prophet." Unfortunately, no one told Hosea that the major (AKA "rock star") prophets ended their broadway run and they were only taking applications for minor (AKA "we'll just put you way in the back at the kid's table of the Old Testament") prophets. Like I mentioned, God told Hosea to marry a prostitute. Her name was Gomer and I'll just let you make up your own jokes about that. They had three kids with God anointed names like Jezreel ("God Sows"), Lo-ruhamah ("Unloved") and Lo-ammi ("Not Mine"). The sweet life of a minor prophet, huh?
Why didn't you listen to Sting?!
Hosea's road is about to get more difficult. Gomer decides that she'd rather "turn on a red light" and go back to her old life than stay with the godly man who married her and took her in when she didn't deserve it. Are you kidding me, Gomer?! I mean I realize that you had to give your kids weird names, but c'mon! Man, there are some stupid people in the Bible. Am I right or am I right? What was that? The story of Hosea is a metaphor for God's relationship with Israel? (Maybe I was a little harsh on Gomer.) And with humanity? (I'm sure she was doing the best she can.) And with me? (Dangit! I should have seen that coming!) That's right, I'm the one who was rescued when I didn't deserve it, yet still walks away from love and sells himself for a cheap thrill. Ugh, I feel dirty. Thank God the story doesn't end there. Hosea is absolutely relentless in his pursuit of his unfaithful bride, eventually finding her enslaved and owned and having to pay for her release. Hmmm... I feel like I've heard a version of that story somewhere before. When all is said and done, Hosea may have been a minor prophet, but he played the major role. Suck on that, Elijah! Next week, a big bowl of Joel.